Jordanvongrimmxx's Journals

Tangent: BE YOURSELF!!!

I hate the vulgarity and crudeness of today's youth. I love it when kids who are what they want to be and are proud, but I loathe when they feel they need to express it in such disgusting ways. There's more to life than getting your 15 minutes of fame. Live your life to your expectations, not to the expectations of others.

I think its disgusting that people like Jeffree Star and the Millionaires are idolized. Yeah, its great that they're happy with who they are, but is it really necessary to be vulgar. I don't know about you, but I respect people who handle themselves with dignity and respect, not someone running around talking about cunt this and cunt that or getting messed up and being slutty. To me, that's not cute or funny, its loud and obnoxious. Don't put everything out there, leave things for you. Mysteriousness is always more interesting. No one strives to be famous anymore, its all about infamy.

That's really all I want to say, I might go too far and piss people off, that's not really my intent. I'm just venting.

xoxo,

Jordan

fear and loathing in an orange

there's only two books that I've ever been able to relate to. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and A Clockwork Orange. Although, I've never actually been on an ether binge, or a binge of any kind for that matter (and I still don't know what ether is); and A Clockwork Orange helped me grow up and not feel bad about losing out on the good times. It helped me see things for what they were. I think what is relatable is the chaos. Chaos is what I live for. I love my life. Yeah, I get frustrated by it at times, but who doesn't? In the past year or two I've learned to accept those frustrations and keep moving on. Moral of the story, kids: ENJOY THE CHAOS AND HAVE FUN BUT KNOW WHEN TO STOP.

That's why you see strung out kids who keep digging themselves further and further in their graves, because they don't know when to stop. They don't realize that you don't have to get crazy, messed up to have a good time. That it's not about how messed up you can be to be interesting or cool. The energy you reek of is what makes you cool. One of my life mottos is "buy the ticket, take the ride." you paid for the ticket, enjoy what's in store for you, just know when they ride ends and when to get off and hop on a different ride.

If you haven't read those books, they're definitely something you should. Probably like when you're peaking in your youth. It's probably when you'll be able to find similarities in your life and the characters, depending on how you live your life I suppose.

when it rains it pours

It is days like this where I wonder why I do the things I do. Why I surround myself with the energies that I do. Why I even bother. Reality checks, if that’s what you want to call them. I’d rather not call them anything and forget about their existence, but you can’t really do that.

I’m passive-aggressive. I can’t tell people no without feeling guilt, even if I should tell them no. I hate the feeling of disappointment, so I never tell people no. Almost like the “golden rule” they teach you in kindergarten. “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” If I don’t want to be disappointed, I won’t disappoint others. That’s not the way disappointment works, though. Different people have different regards for people. Yes, at times we all do mean things to others. I never set out to hurt anyone, and I understand that sometimes it happens. But its the fact that I can’t tell people no that gets me into trouble. Not in like a peer-pressure, you-better-do-this-or-else kind of way. More like I just want everyone to feel happy and so I’ll do it if it means someone benefits from it. The way my luck/karma has been, I’ve begin to wonder if its really doing good or if people aren’t benefiting from it.

I always sit there and say “from now on, I’m going to…”, but I never do. If I do, it never lasts. I’m hard on myself because I have high expectations, but I feel like I can never reach them. I feel like Sisyphus all the damn time. I push my rock up the hill and as soon as I get up there, I lose grip and there it goes. I feel like my world is a constant struggle to maintain things. keep everyone happy. always explaining myself because a miscommunication turns someone else’s world upside down. Getting cut down and trying to play it off, because who am I to deny an opinion. keeping my things to myself because I don’t want to burden anyone with my troubles.

So as far as tomorrow goes, hopefully its a better day. I’m not sure what I’m going to do, because I have so much to do but no way of getting it done. I have no money, can’t fix my car. No car, can’t get to work. can’t get to work, can’t make money. can’t make money, can’t ask someone for it.

The Next Step

Now buzznet, this is something I've been trying to articulate for quite some time. This is just one of my many theories, but I don't expect anyone to read it muchless agree or have something nice to say. With that being said feel free to read it, state your opinions. I'd like to hear what your theories are. I'm not here to bash anyone, and neither should you guys. So here it goes.

They say we evolve for the best. Evolution is progression. Progression is good. Both words with connotations that society has told us meant something great. So what do lost causes evolve into?

The way I see it is, that humanity, mankind, is a lost cause. Society tells us what we should do; how we should behave; what is normal; what is okay to feel; what is okay to see; and so on and so on. But, in retrospect, we’ve never been of good nature. We’ve been greedy, selfish, destructive, violent, etc. throughout our existence; so what’s to say we aren’t going to get any worse? We sure as shit haven’t gotten better. We haven’t cured famine, we haven’t rid the world of abuse, terror, pain. In fact, more than often, we inflict these things on each other. With the minor exceptions of the martyrs of the world (Mother Teresa and whatever other individuals society felt necessary to teach us), we haven’t done a lot to be proud of.

This leads to my theory: Mankind’s evolution, at some point, will have to be resembling a zombie. Eventually all great species of its time comes to a halt. Plants, dinosaurs, animals, and humans. Mankind has/will be a lost cause as long as it exists. As we continue to evolve, we will just become more and more twisted. I feel that a zombie is a metaphor of this. Maybe we won’t physically turn into this, but we will more than likely become “zombie-like” emotionally and mentally. Our species cannot always remain number one. Evolution doesn’t work that way.

Because everyone has an opposing disposition, we will die for our arrogance. We are our own destruction.

In the battle between heaven and hell, we are war.

I had an epiphany that heaven nor hell is a place we go when we die. When we die our bodies die, not our souls, therefore we are forever wandering aimlessly throughout existence. Bodies are just like shelter for the soul. But in this battle between heaven or hell, good or evil, whatever you want to call it, we are the war. The way I see it is that each side is using us almost as a soldier and it is why we see good and bad things in the world. We have no real choice or control. We are here to fight. Not fighting a war as we are told war is. Its not the laws of man that tell us what is wrong or right, it is what we know in our inner selves that is right.

I'm not sure how else to explain this. I have a weird dyslexic way of explaining things. I hope it made sense, didn't offend your believes, but rather made you look at the things you know differently.

Oh Buzznet world, I'm sorry

I feel like such a douchebag for the lack of updates. I really love talking to everyone on here and doing things in trashed teens, I need to manage time and everything again. Good news though, I have been designing a lot more and actually creating things. New project is a St. Patrick's Day dress. Total 50s housewife style. I love it, no one thinks I'll get it finished, but oh will I! Wish me luck! haha Anywho! I just want to let all of you who read or comment or even look at my page, that I'm going to make more of an effort to be on here and keep in touch with every one of you! New and old friends. Even those whom I've never talked with. Hey, we're friends, lets actually communicate!! The month of march, for me at least, has been a month of reinvention! I've reinvented my physical appearance, mind-set, and attitude! Woo! You guys ready for it?? Lets make 2009 great! Funny, people usually write these things like in the beginning of the year, like in January! haha. So many things have been inspiring me, and I hope you guys are inspired to do something great too! No fear!! haha. Anyways, the whole point of this is I want to get back into using buzznet more frequently and I want to talk to everyone, so don't be afraid to send me a message, comment,note, adding me on myspace, anything! Jordan

Advice

I need some opinions on this. Here's the story: Last week, I had a huge major essay due, thanks to lil miss jesslovespanic for reading it (I really do appreciate it!). Well, I was working on it last sunday night/early monday morning, and about around midnight I start hearing something strange. The strange noises broke my concentration, so I turned down my music to further investigate these noises. As some of you may know, I live with both my uncle and grandma. What some of you may not know, is that my uncle, in simpler terms, is a man whore. His current fling, I do not like for several different reasons. The first time she came over, where my grandma and I both met her; she sat in our kitchen, me on the couch, where she sat with her friend and made fun of me. I was minding my own business when I hear "ha! Look at her!" and when I looked up they started laughing. The kind of laugh where you know someone said something about you. Once you get me mad in that kind of way she did, there's no getting on my good side. So let's get back to last sunday! I turned down my music to hear the noises, and I hear two people having sex. Being disgusted, I turn up my music. Well, I have a hard time concentrating on writing with loud music blaring, but I also don't want to hear people have sex. So I keep the music playing loud, and then they keep getting louder. So I turn my music up, it will only go up so loud. After awhile, they got to be too loud for me to keep turning up my music. So for about another hour or so, I finished my paper and they were not making noises anymore. So being finished I go to bed, and I turn on some jazz to help me fall asleep, and I wasn't laying down for 10 minutes when I heard them going at it again!! Now my first class starts at 9am and its almost 3am when this starts going on. Needless to say I didn't fall asleep until around 4.45/5amish. I get through my classes for the day running on a few hours of sleep, and I go to meet up with my uncle after classes. He starts being very rude to me, and I'm not nice when I'm tired. So when he starts giving me an attitude, I start getting angry with him. Finally I just call him out on everything. Granted I probably should have waited until all his friends left, but it was a heat of the moment thing. He got mad at me and told me "to go find my own fucking ride home!" Being as angry as I was, I didn't call anyone to give me a ride home, but walked the six miles it is from my school to my house. While I was walking it began to rain, heavily I might add. I get home, furious and soaking, and I see my grandma and tell her everything. She's anger and we both come to the conclusion that his girlfriend is not allowed over to the house. My uncle and I haven't been talking all week. He knows I'm stubborn, and I'm not going to talk to him until I get an apology. I won't apologize for my end until he apologizes first. Now, I need advice. Should I swallow my pride and just say sorry? Or should I just move back in with my dad, who, since my mom left, would appreciate me being home far more than my uncle?

after thinking long and hard about this.

I've decided that I'm going to take a little break from buzznet. I've been so busy lately with school and my grades aren't too full potential! That's kind of why I've been AWOL on here for the past while. If you want my screen names or something just message me asking for them and I'll give me to you. Also, my myspace link and stuff will be up there, but I'm also not going to be on their as much either. I'll probably be back towards the end of the month or after this term is over. Or when I decide to get organized. I wish you all well for the time being! thanks!

I hate talking about politics, but I'm going talk about this.

So who else is so amped that Obama won???? It feels so great! I'm really sad that I didn't get today's newspaper, but I was so busy with school and work that I didn't have time! Nuts! I've been getting a lot of hate mail on myspace and facebook with people telling me I'm too young and naive to know anything about him. This is all from people that are relatively my age! It doesn't upset or frustrate me in the slightest bit, I laugh at it more. I may not know a whole lot about politics but I can say this much; before either McCain and Obama decided running I knew who they were, and I saw both perspectives. I didn't dislike either of them, but it wasn't until McCain started running that I began to dislike him. And although I knew who Obama was, I began to research more of what he stood for and found out that I agreed so much with what he was trying to say. Then I looked at McCain and began to realize that he didn't really stand for a lot of the things I do. For me, voting for Obama wasn't about race or history. It was about him being on the same page as me. I agreed so much with his policies, especially ones on healthcare. I honestly think that had McCain not picked Palin as a running mate and ran such a negative campaing (lets face it, he really did, I saw more Anti-Obama ads than I did ads talking about what he stood for), he would have won. I wouldn't have been happy about it, but I think he would've. I wasn't a big fan of Palin either. I really didn't think she was ready to be a Vice President this election. Maybe in the future she could, she still wouldn't have my vote though! I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm glad Obama won; and all I can say to those who disagree "Sorry to ya!" I mean, I don't talk about politics to change opinions. Those opinions are impossible to change. I mean my uncles were for McCain. One of my uncles actually got out of the military last year, and was really upset that Obama won. I understand why because Democrats tend to cut military funding more than Republicans, but at the same time McCain also opposed the new G.I. Bill which allows my uncle to attend school. I don't understand it, but its how he feels and I can't really change that. I honestly can't wait for these next four years! I feel so great about voting and helping the Obama campaign out as much as I could! Cheers! P.S. I really think Michelle Obama is going to be our generations' Jackie O! Anyone with me?

Update! For those of you who read these! =]

Here are some pictures from halloween. I'm too lazy to upload them individually. Here's us all doing the thriller dance for the 8th time that night.

My uncle joe went as the scarecrow
I chose to be tinkerbell last minute!
we all look like a bunch of douchebags!
Thats me and my uncle's girlfriend "/ I did her hair and make up
Thriller!
I kept doing this thing with my thumbs all night! I don't even know why!
The wonderful Adam managed to capture tinkerbell eating cupcakes.
I think this was round 4 of thriller?
Pre-party. Gosh, how I love my retarded, highly politically incorrect uncles! haha
fistful of assholes! haha
I'm such a freakazoid at times
Tinkerbell had too much to drink.
Oye!

Me and Big Dolla Mala aka Malilah aka Skitale aka my Trini Beauty haha

MY two favorite skitales. haha
Mala's husband, Ravi, and I.

My grandma. I did her makeup. She looked so cute with her fake eyelashes! haha
those thumbs again.
Excited because tomorrow I'm gonna wake up and vote!! WOoooOOoo! Then I go to class and work. Both of which are getting old. Suck it up, Jordan, keeps you productive and out of jail! how was your halloween??